In a shocking development, it has been learned that the New York City Treasurer, “Golden” Alan Mintgreenspan, has declared a state of bankruptcy. This news comes as a complete shock to New York legislature and governmental offices, but apparently was a long-time-coming according to Mintgreenspan, who believes it has something to do with “placing a cupcake in charge of the finances of the world’s largest city.”
Mayor Bloomingburg had this to say, “As a democracy, we have placed our trust in the people to elect officials who best represent both their own interests and the interests of their city. While I did in fact question the recent election of a cupcake to public office, I remained confident in the decision of the people of this fair city to decide what was right for them. I am sorry today, to say that my suspicions were correct and that we are in fact headed down the road to financial ruin.”
Perhaps the most shocking turn of events in this entire debacle is that at no point did the public have any inclination that mismanagement was taking place on such a grandiose scale. This was largely due to the fact that the treasurer’s entire cabinet and press team also consisted entirely of cupcakes. Cupcakes of course, are quite incapable of grasping even the simplest of mathematic concepts.
Misappropriation does not even begin to describe the way city taxpayer dollars were spent this past calendar year, which saw New York’s first “Free Money Day”, the first annual 5k Run for Dollars, in which all participants received five thousand dollars, and of course the highly controversial loop-de-loop track addition to the number 7 train. The treasurer claiming the Queens-bound train needed, “…more flair” proposed the plan to his cabinet, who agreed unanimously.
City officials have begun pleading Albany to forgive their missteps and provide aid to get the city back on its feet.
All we can do at this point is learn from our mistakes. Cupcakes belong on a plate, next to a glass of milk. NOT in public office.
